Is It Possible to Have Peace When You and Your Spouse Have Different Personalities?

Do you know the old saying “opposites attract?” My husband and I are living proof this saying is true. I am convinced Ben came out of the womb holding a vacuum in his hand and tidiness on his little brain. Me on the other hand, clutter does not bother me. I am a pack rat, like generations before me. My Pappy, my mom. I do not like to throw things away if there may be some sentimental value later on. Ben will tear through a room with a trash can, tossing whatever he finds in to it if I don’t stop him. He often does it when I’m not looking, so I can’t intercept. He once threw my mom’s birthday cake away. There it was, sitting on her counter, note I said her counter not his. Yes that is right, we were at my mom’s house. Celebrating her birthday, a few minutes after cutting the cake my dear husband, in an effort to help us ladies clean, smoothly tossed that cake into the trash can. Us ladies gapped at him, we probably could have caught a fly in our mouths. He didn’t understand why. Of course we appointed him the one to tell my mom he nonchalantly tossed her cake into the trash can. He’s no longer allowed to help in the kitchen at my mom’s house.

Ben was born a Type A personality. Me, I’m type B all the way. He was also in the Military. He loves order, tidiness, neatness. I love those things too, but not nearly as much as I love glitter, crafts with the kids, books scattered everywhere, and hanging on to the things that are important to me. Ben would follow me around with a vacuum and a trashcan if he could.

How do we accept our differences? When type A and type B emerge, how do we make it work without driving one another batty? I will be the first one to tell you that my laid back demeanor when it comes to order and tidiness can drive my husband insane and his uptight demeanor when it comes to it can drive me crazy. Can you have peace, when you both are so different?

A few months ago I started to feel overwhelmed. Anxiety began to creep in. There where physical symptoms of this anxiety, chest pains, insomnia, sleeping in later than normal. It took me a while to realize this anxiety was the result of a few things. However, the main reason for it was the amount of pressure I was putting on myself. I felt like I needed to do everything, be everything. When the reality of who I was coincided with who I thought I needed to be, the pressure started mounting. This pressure came from myself. I know you can relate as a mom and a wife. We put way to much pressure on ourselves when who we are does not add up in our own eyes.

I started to bathe my anxiety in prayer. God revealed my eyes to why I was feeling I wasn’t enough. It had nothing to do with anyone else. It came from within. I wasn’t at peace with who I was because I felt I needed to be a certain way to be a good enough mother and wife. I was trying so hard to be someone I am not. Organized, tidy, basically a type A personality. The reality is that is not how God made me. He made me type B all the way. I am not messy but I am not organized. I love routines but if the children want to get the glitter out and make some invention, I never say no, because their messiness doesn’t bother me. I want to foster their creativity. That is when it hit me. God gave me my daughters because I am the perfect mother for who they are. B is constantly making random creations out of glue, glitter, paper, etc. Her desk is constantly a mess because once she’s done with one creation she is on to the next. I don’t mind it. Actually I encourage it. I tell her constantly I believe she will create the next big thing. She needs that encouragement from me. So does S. If I was type A it is quite possible I would squash my childs’ creativity. (Not 100% positive but it’s a possibility).

Ben and I balance one another. God gave me my children because He knew I would be the best mother for what they need. He gave me Ben because God knew he would be the best person for me. He is what need. I am what he needs. So yes you can have peace with opposite personalities. How?

1. Accept who you are. God created you YOU. embrace it.. Love it. Use it. You are different from your family and spouse for a reason. Be you.

2. Love who you are. You not only need to accept who you are, you should love who you are as well. When you do, that overwhelming feeling of not being enough will go away. You will realize you are indeed enough.

3. Accept who your spouse is and love who he is too. Don’t get stuck on the little differences between you and your spouse. Accept who he is. Love who he is. If you want him to accept you for you and love you for you, you must do the same. Try to understand your spouse’s point of view. Make an effort to do things their way, if you can. For example, I make an effort to remember to put the glitter, glue, paper, etc. back and he makes an effort not to say anything to me about it if I forget. I try for his sake to be more organized. He tries for my sake to be less anal about it. It’s a win win for both of us. Sit down with your spouse and figure out how you can help each other accept your differences if there is something you’re struggling with.

4. Pray for yourself and your husband. Bathe your relationship in prayer. You will see it start to grow in areas you didn’t think were possible. Pray with your spouse.

God wove us together, uniquely because he knew what each one of us would need. The fabric that holds our family together consist of several different personalities. Without each one, we would not be who God intends us to be.

Until Next Time,

Jenna Jury

 

 

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