Having Peace In Our Marriages.

Good morning! Welcome to Morning Coffee With The Peaceful Nest. I hope you all are doing well this morning.

Yesterday I touched on having peace within ourselves. We can not begin to create peace in our lives until we develop it within ourselves. Yesterday I gave some tips on becoming a peaceful person. Later this week I will touch on the topic in more depth. You can also go back and read my post on what God says about peace.

Today I want to talk about having peace inside our marriages. After God, our spouse is the most important relationship we have. If we do not protect it diligently, as well as build our marriage up, trying to cultivate a sense of peace in it, then it will become brittle. Easy to break.

The day Ben and I got married it rained. Everyone was freaking out about their hair getting ruined. Including me. Then my hairdresser told me rain actually signifies good luck on your wedding day. It used to be in some Indian tribes they would tie a knot when someone was getting married, to signify two people coming together. I don’t know for sure, but I assume that is where “tying the knot” came from. When it rained, it was considered good luck because the rain would make the knot tighter, stronger, and not as easy to untie.

The significance of this old practice was not lost on me, because only a year and a half into our marriage, our son died shortly after he was born. Here came the rain. Ben and I went through a torrential downpour. The worst rain in our marriage thus far. If this rain did anything, it made the knot of our marriage that much stronger and tighter. Binding us together in ways many think impossible.

I can not sit here and tell you during and after our storm our marriage was full of peace though. No, we both grieved differently and need so much grace during that time. There were arguments and pain. Sometimes there still is, like in most marriages. However, the peace in our marriage came after we both practiced doing certain things to cultivate it. Here are ways we did just that.

1. First we both made up our minds that our marriage and our relationship would never be on the chopping block. No matter what we faced, we would get through it together.

2. We are 100% honest with each other. There are no secrets in our marriage. We both have trust in one another and know that no matter what, the other one will be 100% honest. In order to keep that trust we have to make it a priority to protect it.

3. We keep an open line of communication with one another. Yes we have disagreements but we always talk those disagreements out. No we may not always see eye to eye on a topic, but we both try our best to at least make an effort.

4. We support each other no matter what. Ben doesn’t squash my dreams and I don’t squash his. If there is a desire in either one of our hearts and it lines up with the word of God, we both say go for it, I’ll support you 100%.

5. We protect our marriage from outside influences. Marriages fail and have issues that cause turmoil because one or both spouses fail to protect themselves from outside influences. What does that mean? It means we do not allow anything or anyone come into our lives that have the potential to destroy what we have built. Maybe it seems enticing, maybe it is difficult to unblur the lines, but things like porn, relationships with other people of the opposite sex, keeping secrets, and things along those lines have no business inside your mind, heart, or marriage. If they are there you are opening up the door for man made rain. There is no way to have peace when you have opened the door to turmoil.

6. We always respect each other. In public as well as private. Never degrade your spouse. Never talk bad about them to other people or air your private business to people who have no business knowing. Talk to your spouse in a way you would like them to talk to you. Even when you’re mad at each other.

These are just a few ways my husband and I protect the peace in our marriage.

To recap

1. Make up your mind your marriage is never on the chopping block.

2. Always be honest with one another.

3. Keep lines of communication open

4. Support each other always.

5. Protect your marriage from outside influences.

6. Respect one another always.

I hope you have found these tips helpful!

Until next time xoxo

Jenna Jury

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A Letter To My Husband

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Dear Husband,

I know in today’s society, men like you often go unnoticed, or even worse, are stigmatized and undervalued. However, I want to take a moment to thank you. I know it cannot be easy when people try to take what you value and say those attributes are wrong or not needed. The truth is, the people who try to say we do not need real men anymore are lying to themselves and to others. There are certain tasks that I, as a woman, can not do quite as well as a man. As you.

Thank you for working hard to provide for our family. It is because you make the sacrifices you do that I have the ability to stay home with our children, home school, and pursue my passion of writing. Every morning you wake up at dawn to do manual labor. Manual labor is not a job many people want. You do it anyway, without complaint. You work your hardest to provide for our daughters and me. You make sure we have a roof over our head and food in our stomachs. I may cook the bacon but you bring it home. You do it because you love us. You do it because you are the leader of our household. So thank you.

Thank you for being my steady hand. Whatever life throws our way, I know I can look to my left and see you standing next to me. You know just when to grab my hand and whisper “we’ve got this, we can do anything together.” These words, repeatedly whispered, are often taken for granted. In the mundane day-to-day or the moments I am feeling stressed, you know exactly what to say to bring me back to earth. You never cease to repeat the words I need to hear in our darkest moments. You have come to know me so well, knowing exactly what I need to hear at any given moment. It is because of you that I can stand tall when I want to fall apart. It is because of you that I have made it out of my hardest days. It is because of you I am the woman I am today. So thank you.

Thank you for making me laugh. I knew the moment I met you, if I wanted laughter the rest of my days, then I needed to marry you. You always know exactly what to say to break the ice, lighten a tense moment, bring joy back during sadness. You are the funniest man I know. So thank you.

Thank you for being a real man. In today’s society people are trying hard to emasculate men like you. There are some who have made it their personal mission to convince everyone that men are no longer needed or wanted. They spread lies claiming masculinity is some how wrong, not valued, or unacceptable. They are sadly mistaken. Men of your standard are needed and wanted.

I am not a feminist nor will I ever be one because I refuse to devalue the necessity of hard-working men with morals and values. When we are sleeping and hear a strange noise, I am not the one who grabs our gun and check out what is going on. It is you. Sure I could, but you desire to protect us because you are a man. When we are strapped for cash, it is you that work the extra hours, doing the manual labor. Sure I help where I can but it is you who bring home the bread and butter and I am OKAY with that. I believe it is important that real men understand that the majority of women and people really do appreciate you. We understand how important it is to have a man who leads. A man who is proud to be who God created him to be. These men need a woman who is proud of them as well, Like I am proud to be your wife.

Thank you for being a man for me and our daughters.

Thank you for protecting us.

Thank you for providing for us.

Thank you for always staying true to who God made you.

Love your wife

Eight Lessons I Have Learned in Eight Years of Marriage

Wednesday is mine and my husband’s eight year anniversary. Honestly, I find it so hard to believe we have been married for eight years. It seems like just yesterday I saw him walk into Chapel at Central Bible College and felt my heart stolen from me. On June 12th 2010, I set out on an adventure with Benjamin. I have learned quite a bit during our marriage. We have faced more trials than we expected. We have grown both separately and as a couple. We have built a life that we love together. While I was looking back on our 8 years, I decided to compile a list of the most important lessons I have learned during our marriage.

Sure, there have been more lessons than just these eight. Like the fact that my husband only fills the dishwasher half way before starting it, it drives me batty, but I have learned it is better to just do it myself than bring it up to him. Maybe you have been married longer than 8 years. Maybe 8 years seems like a drop compared to the grand scheme of things. Maybe you aren’t married yet. Wherever you are at in your life, I hope you find even just one of these lessons as valuable as I have!

Lesson Number One

You Are A Team

There are always going to be those days in your marriage where you do not feel like a team. In our marriage we have faced disagreements that seemed mountainous to us. No matter how hard we tried, we just could not see the other person’s point of view. Those moments, those arguments, they are going to happen. Maybe you disagree about how best to discipline your children, or maybe you disagree on finances, in laws, jobs, whatever it may be, those big subjects will come up.

When they do remember you + your spouse = a team

You are on the same side. That never changes.  The sooner you realize this and embrace it, the sooner you can overcome the obstacles that have been placed in your marriage. On the big issues, talk them out as a team, try to understand the other person’s side. Come together on common ground. It is possible.

However, on the small issues sometimes you will just have to agree to disagree. That is okay.

Lesson Number Two

You chose your spouse

Several years down the road or maybe not even several years, after your wedding, you may be faced with hardship inside your marriage. Maybe you will be tempted to look somewhere else for comfort and pleasure. Maybe you will draw away from your spouse, claiming he/she has changed. The love has gone away. If that happens, I encourage you to take a step back. Grab a piece of paper and write down everything you can remember that drew you to your spouse. Maybe they have changed. It is also possible they have not changed all that much and you are just looking for an excuse to escape when life gets difficult. You chose your spouse for a reason. You may just have to remind yourself of that reason every once and a while.

Lesson Number Three

Change is not always negative

I think sometimes we look at change as a bad thing. Not all change is negative. We have to be willing to grow and change right alongside of our spouse. If we are stubborn and refuse to grow WITH our spouse, then we may be creating unnecessary conflict inside of our marriage. I am not the same person Ben stood across from 8 years ago and vowed himself to. He is not the same person either. We have both matured and changed within the walls of our marriage and home, into something much more stable and beautiful, in my opinion. Do not try to stay who you were at 18, 20, 25 or 30. Choose to grow and mature, when you do that your marriage will naturally grow and mature as well.

Lesson Number Four

You need to fight in your marriage

Okay let me say that again you need to fight in your marriage. I do not mean fight with each other. You need to fight FOR your marriage. How? By safe guarding it. By being purposeful and intentional in your marriage with what you say, what you do and with what/who you let in. I’ll say that again. Safe guard your marriage by being watchful with who or what you let in. If a person or a thing is going to tempt you to be unfaithful to your spouse, or put your marriage in the line of fire, then they don’t belong in your life. I wrote an article last year about safe guarding your marriage. I give sound advice on ways I protect my marriage. Protecting your marriage should always be at the top of your priority list.

Lesson Number Five

Your spouse comes before your children

Please let me clarify something. When I say your spouse comes before your children, I do not mean your children’s needs. The needs of your children, their safety and physical/emotional needs should always be a top priority and come first. When I say your spouse comes first I mean do not forget you have a spouse just because you have children. Your spouse is deserving of your time and affection just as much as your children are.

Over the weekend we went to a baseball game. My husband is a huge baseball fan, his favorite team was playing. I could take it or leave it. Our daughters enjoy the thought of going to a game but when they get there the restlessness runs rampant. It rained on us in the second inning. We shuffled our children under the awning to wait it out. There was some crying, a lot of pulling on mommy, and fighting over daddy’s hat. At one point in time our youngest threw herself on the ground and cried. What for? We have no idea other than she was bored and hopped up on to much sugar. My husband consulted with a few people to figure out when the storm would pass. I can count on two hands how many times he asked me if I just wanted to leave. “They’re bored” he said. I looked at him each time and said “no we are not leaving and they can be bored.” The rain moved and we stayed until the eighth inning, when the rain moved back in, we decided that it was time to go then.

Why didn’t I just leave in the second inning? It was obvious our daughters were not feeling baseball that night. The reason is simple: that night was not about them. We went to the baseball game because their daddy likes baseball. We were not going to leave just because they didn’t like it. That is not how life works, and that is not how our family operates.

It is important for our children to understand that mommy and daddy also have likes and dislikes, wants and needs, those need to be attended to as well. It is not always going to be about our children, that is okay. The sooner our children learn that lesson the better. The more considerate they will become. Children watch your marriage, they will learn through you how they need to treat their futures spouses. Make sure they are learning the right way.

Lesson Number Six

Have sex with your spouse

I believe God created sex to be fun and enjoyable. I believe sex is for both women and men to enjoy, in the context of marriage. So this lesson is pretty self explanatory. Have sex with your spouse. Do not be afraid to have fun. You may be surprised at how close it brings you to your spouse both physically and emotionally.

Lesson Number Seven

Whatever you face you can face it together

My husband and I learned this lesson very early on in our marriage. A year and a half after we were married we buried our newborn son David. We learned we could face tragedy together during this time. A circumstance that seemed was going to inevitably tear us apart, wove our marriage intricately together in ways we couldn’t have imagined. It was then that we realized whatever storm came our way, we were better and stronger together.

Lesson Number Eight

Be your spouse’s biggest supporter.

Every one is a critic. The world does not need more of them. Your marriage and spouse definitely do not need more critics. Be an encouragement to your spouse. Be their greatest supporter. Are they wanting to do the impossible? Support them. Are the wanting to change jobs? Support them. Are they having difficulties at work, with friends, etc? Support them. Do not criticize. Do not put down. Do not discourage. Hold your spouse up and encourage. That is what they need from you. After all it what you need from them too.

In my eight years of marriage I have learned many more lessons, but these are the eight that I implement the most in my marriage. What are the most important lessons you have learned?

Until next time xoxo,

Jenna Jury

Four Things Social Media Is Stealing From You.

My husband and I have some exciting events coming up within the next few months. We decided to take some time to fast and pray about what the Lord is doing in our lives and what he desires of us. When I started on my fasting journey, I felt as though I should also fast from social media. It wasn’t some big revelation. My child didn’t tell me I spent too much time on my phone, nothing major made me come to this conclusion. I just felt a small nudge in my spirit that this was necessary. So I did. I still am fasting a few times a week from social media (gotta love automation 🙂 ) However, during this fast, I came to realize something I already knew, social media steals so much from us. While good for a lot; business, staying connected, getting the word out quickly, there is so much that social media is not good for. In my own personal journey, after giving it up for a while, I found a few things that social media steals from me on a daily basis. These may ring true for the average person as well.

1. Social media steals our time.

I know I am not the only one. I sometimes get lost in my Facebook or Instagram feed. Looking into the lives of those I don’t even know, when suddenly it is past dinner time and I have no idea what I am going to feed my kids. Or I get so involved in what I am reading online, that I miss my child sitting on my lap, growing impatient, as she waits for me to read her favorite book. It’s easy. Social media steals our time if we let it. It steals our time with our spouses, our children, our parents and siblings. It steals our time with our friends. But wait! you say, I am more connected than ever. It is how I communicate with my friends and family. Yes, that is probably true. There is not a faster way, then sending out a quick post on Facebook or Twitter, to let people know what is going on in your life. But what about those around you? Your children? Your family? Your spouse? Don’t they deserve your time? Don’t they need it more than your phone or laptop? Is Facebook going to miss you that much if you skip being on it a few days a week? Or resist the urge to open the app every 15 minutes? Is what you see on Facebook more important than playing a game with your child, or having a meaningful conversation with your spouse? The answer is no. No it is not more important.

2. Social media steals our productivity.

I am guilty. I will sit down to grade papers, write my grocery list, or plan my home school week. It starts innocently, I get one notification on Facebook. I quickly open it up, it’ll only take a second I tell myself, and then I forget what I am doing. After checking the notification, I start scrolling. I keep scrolling. Then something I see will intrigue my interest, an article perhaps, I will read it. Then before I know it, it is one hour later and I haven’t gotten anything done that I needed to do. Out with my productivity went my motivation. Then it gets harder to actually get work done.  That is why I have found it so much easier to keep social media apps off my phone and to put my phone somewhere out of my reach, while I am working on something that needs my attention. I know that is not the way society is anymore. Everywhere you look, most everyone has a phone in their hand. Convenient yes, not always necessary or productive.

3. Social media steals our peace.

We are connected more now than ever before. Which means we have a lot of information coming to us. Information about what is going on in the world, what our friends are up to, what Jane Doe is doing across the country. While not necessarily a bad thing for us to know, it can be quit overwhelming. Social media makes it easy for us to check out of our own life and peer into someone elses’ for far to long. We may become jealous, comparing our lives to their lives. Or envious, bitter, annoyed. Forgetting what is truly important and also forgetting that some people embellish a little on social media or that we don’t know everything about another person’s life. We do not know what it has taken for them to get to where they are. Social media does a great job at stealing our peace if we allow it.

4. Social media steals our family.

I mentioned this earlier. As we  delve deeper into social media, it becomes easy to forget those that matter the most. Our family. If we don’t put up boundaries, it can become easy for a chasm to come between us and our spouse or children. They see what is most important to us. If we are constantly on our phones while our child is speaking to us, they may stop speaking to us all together, because they perceive that whatever you are looking at on your phone is more important than them. We know it’s not true, but do they?

Am I saying that we should get rid of all of our accounts and live like generations before us? No. I am not saying that at all, though I sometimes think life would be less stressful for some people if social media didn’t exist. The reality is that many of us, myself included, need social media for our businesses and our livelihood. I do believe that it is important to become aware when social media is starting to steal the most important aspects of our lives, from us. Are you surfing for hours on end, ignoring your children and responsibilities? Are you looking at someone else’s life wishing you could have it? Even though yours is pretty awesome, are you missing it? Don’t fall victim to the thievery of the digital world. There is a whole different world out there, a real one, a wonderful one, are you missing it? Don’t miss it. Because you can’t get it back. One day you may look back and realize instead of spending 2 or 3 hours scrolling through Facebook, peering into someone else’s life or having it out with the online trolls who don’t know you and don’t matter anyway, you could have been playing a game with your now grown child. You could have gone for a walk and enjoyed the day with your family. You could have picked up a good book and stretched your mind a little. Enjoy social media, I know I do, but don’t let it steal from you. Because sometimes, you can’t get back what it steals.

Until next time,

Jenna Jury

Is It Possible to Have Peace When You and Your Spouse Have Different Personalities?

Do you know the old saying “opposites attract?” My husband and I are living proof this saying is true. I am convinced Ben came out of the womb holding a vacuum in his hand and tidiness on his little brain. Me on the other hand, clutter does not bother me. I am a pack rat, like generations before me. My Pappy, my mom. I do not like to throw things away if there may be some sentimental value later on. Ben will tear through a room with a trash can, tossing whatever he finds in to it if I don’t stop him. He often does it when I’m not looking, so I can’t intercept. He once threw my mom’s birthday cake away. There it was, sitting on her counter, note I said her counter not his. Yes that is right, we were at my mom’s house. Celebrating her birthday, a few minutes after cutting the cake my dear husband, in an effort to help us ladies clean, smoothly tossed that cake into the trash can. Us ladies gapped at him, we probably could have caught a fly in our mouths. He didn’t understand why. Of course we appointed him the one to tell my mom he nonchalantly tossed her cake into the trash can. He’s no longer allowed to help in the kitchen at my mom’s house.

Ben was born a Type A personality. Me, I’m type B all the way. He was also in the Military. He loves order, tidiness, neatness. I love those things too, but not nearly as much as I love glitter, crafts with the kids, books scattered everywhere, and hanging on to the things that are important to me. Ben would follow me around with a vacuum and a trashcan if he could.

How do we accept our differences? When type A and type B emerge, how do we make it work without driving one another batty? I will be the first one to tell you that my laid back demeanor when it comes to order and tidiness can drive my husband insane and his uptight demeanor when it comes to it can drive me crazy. Can you have peace, when you both are so different?

A few months ago I started to feel overwhelmed. Anxiety began to creep in. There where physical symptoms of this anxiety, chest pains, insomnia, sleeping in later than normal. It took me a while to realize this anxiety was the result of a few things. However, the main reason for it was the amount of pressure I was putting on myself. I felt like I needed to do everything, be everything. When the reality of who I was coincided with who I thought I needed to be, the pressure started mounting. This pressure came from myself. I know you can relate as a mom and a wife. We put way to much pressure on ourselves when who we are does not add up in our own eyes.

I started to bathe my anxiety in prayer. God revealed my eyes to why I was feeling I wasn’t enough. It had nothing to do with anyone else. It came from within. I wasn’t at peace with who I was because I felt I needed to be a certain way to be a good enough mother and wife. I was trying so hard to be someone I am not. Organized, tidy, basically a type A personality. The reality is that is not how God made me. He made me type B all the way. I am not messy but I am not organized. I love routines but if the children want to get the glitter out and make some invention, I never say no, because their messiness doesn’t bother me. I want to foster their creativity. That is when it hit me. God gave me my daughters because I am the perfect mother for who they are. B is constantly making random creations out of glue, glitter, paper, etc. Her desk is constantly a mess because once she’s done with one creation she is on to the next. I don’t mind it. Actually I encourage it. I tell her constantly I believe she will create the next big thing. She needs that encouragement from me. So does S. If I was type A it is quite possible I would squash my childs’ creativity. (Not 100% positive but it’s a possibility).

Ben and I balance one another. God gave me my children because He knew I would be the best mother for what they need. He gave me Ben because God knew he would be the best person for me. He is what need. I am what he needs. So yes you can have peace with opposite personalities. How?

1. Accept who you are. God created you YOU. embrace it.. Love it. Use it. You are different from your family and spouse for a reason. Be you.

2. Love who you are. You not only need to accept who you are, you should love who you are as well. When you do, that overwhelming feeling of not being enough will go away. You will realize you are indeed enough.

3. Accept who your spouse is and love who he is too. Don’t get stuck on the little differences between you and your spouse. Accept who he is. Love who he is. If you want him to accept you for you and love you for you, you must do the same. Try to understand your spouse’s point of view. Make an effort to do things their way, if you can. For example, I make an effort to remember to put the glitter, glue, paper, etc. back and he makes an effort not to say anything to me about it if I forget. I try for his sake to be more organized. He tries for my sake to be less anal about it. It’s a win win for both of us. Sit down with your spouse and figure out how you can help each other accept your differences if there is something you’re struggling with.

4. Pray for yourself and your husband. Bathe your relationship in prayer. You will see it start to grow in areas you didn’t think were possible. Pray with your spouse.

God wove us together, uniquely because he knew what each one of us would need. The fabric that holds our family together consist of several different personalities. Without each one, we would not be who God intends us to be.

Until Next Time,

Jenna Jury

 

 

Jury Adoption Update – April 10, 2018

Hi everyone! Many of you know, but in case you do not, I will fill you in. My husband and I are currently in the process of adopting a little boy from Vietnam. We announced it to our friends and family in January, although we knew that the process would be (and still is) very long. We have had so many people rally around us with support and prayers. I wanted to give an update to those of you who have been wondering what is going on with our adoption right now? I haven’t updated because well, there’s not much to update on. Our little guy, let’s call him L for now, just turned 3, I am hoping and praying he is in our arms by his next birthday.

Right now we are in the ending stages of our home study and getting our dossier filed. The paperwork is a mountain! Once those two are approved we can get a clearer idea of when we will be able to go in Country to bring him home.

The two biggest questions we receive are “When is he coming home?” and “Have you met him yet?” We do not yet know when we will get to bring him home. We are praying sooner rather than later, however it mainly depends on the paper work approval. Along with a few other things that I don’t want to bore you with. So if you could continue to pray for us in that aspect, we would truly appreciate it. As for us meeting him. No we have not met L and we will not get to meet him until we go to Vietnam to bring him home. I usually get a funny look when I say that. I can only guess what people are thinking. “Why would you want to bring a perfect stranger into your home?” It’s a chance we are willing to take for several reasons. The main one is because Jesus calls us to be his hands and feet. He tells us to take care of the orphans and the widows. We can’t do that on the sidelines. We can’t turn our heads and hope someone else will do it. Because what if they don’t? The alternative is never better.

In the meantime, we have been doing fundraisers to help us fund our adoption. There are several other ways we are funding our adoption as well. Savings, making and selling different items, we will be applying for grants as soon as we are home study approved.

We did a t-shirt fundraiser through Bonfire.

We had two t-shirt designs. One was Ben’s and the other was mine. Whoever lost got pied in the face.

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So we tied! However, my stubborn husband refused to let me pie him in the face. So B and I took one for the team. Anything to bring my L home.

We have dear friends who have also donated their time and effort into fundraising to help us bring our son home.

Momentum Insurance held a fundraiser for us. Where they were able to donate $100 to help L come home to his forever home!

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My Dear friend the Buckeye Queen, held a fundraiser selling her delicious and yummy buckeyes and buckeye cookies. In the end she was able to donate $201 to sweet L!

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Another one of my friend’s is currently holding a fundraiser for the months of April, May and June. Book a family mini session with Cyndi Mccullough Photography and she will donate the proceeds towards our adoption!

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God has truly blessed us with such amazing friends! We love you all who have helped us thus far! We will also be holding an adoption garage sale in a few weeks, so if you’re in the area we are taking donations, or stop by and see what you can find 🙂 In the near future I will be posting some goodies I will be selling, all proceeds will be going towards the adoption as well.

Oh and we wrote a book 🙂 Faith Actually: Living Life After Tragedy. A story of our heartbreaking loss of our son David and how we were able to find our faith again through God’s promises. You can buy it here.

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Thank you everyone for being so wonderful!

If you would like to help us bring L home as well you can go to our Youcaring fundraiser page to donate!

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We cannot wait to see L in our next family photos!

For more updates on our adoption please follow me on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter!

until next time,

Jenna Jury

Creating A Peaceful Nest

When someone walks into my home, whether they are a new acquaintance or an old friend, I have noticed that they will typically say one of two things. “You’re home is so peaceful.” or “You’re home is so cozy.” I group cozy and peaceful together. In my mind they go hand in hand. I always strive to make my home peaceful. Peaceful for myself, peaceful for my kids and peaceful for my husband. I want it to be a safe haven from a cruel world. A place where my family and others can come and feel all their burdens melt away.

I believe most people desire peace in their lives, homes and families. The question is how? How do you create peace within our homes? Our nests so to speak? Is it about the decor you choose? The lighting you have? Is it about the amount of pillows and blankets you display? Or is it something so much deeper? I believe creating peace goes so much deeper than what we own. Creating a peaceful home start with what is inside of us. Are you peaceful? I know that there are many different areas in our lives that can frustrate us. I understand that it can become easy to lose our cool. Do you let your frustration and anger control you? Is creating a peaceful atmosphere more important to you than winning an argument or letting your family know you aren’t happy?

Creating peace is not always simple. That is why I have gathered my top three tools I use to create a home that emulates peace and comfort.

Three Tools To Create A Peaceful Home.

1. Be at peace with yourself. I notice that I am the most cranky and unkind to those around me when I am stressed, insecure, or unsure about myself. My mind may be elsewhere, then my daughter does something that pushes me a tiny bit. I snap. Most of the time that little offense was not worth a raised eyebrow. Let alone a snappy response. I know I am not the only one. Taking the time to look out for yourself, making sure your stress level is down, will make it easier to create a peaceful environment. You know that old saying “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” As funny as that sounds, its 98% true. Children feed off their mother’s energy. They can feel it when we are stressed, hurt, or anxious. It in turn makes them stressed, hurt or anxious. The same goes for our husbands. But aren’t they the head of the household? Aren’t they grown men? True. But there is a reason God created male and female. Women truly are the heart of the home and in turn the heart of society. We have the ability to make or break our families spirits. It is up to use to decide daily if we are going to build up or tear down.

Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

2. Take a break. Cliche right? We hear that all the time. But I am a mom. I am a woman. I can do it all. I can do everything. HEAR ME ROAR! The reality is all those help books are onto something. We CAN”T do it all. No matter how much we want to tell ourselves we can. We need a village. Back in the day, people and women especially, were more connected than we are today, with those around them. We may be more social online because of technology, but there is a disconnect. We try to do it all and then we look around and realize we have no one to fall back on when we need help. I encourage you. If you find yourself roaring like a lion (not in a good way) to those around you. TAKE A BREAK. Whether it is a break from work, your kids, your family, or society in general. Whether it is 5 minutes or 5 days. Maybe it is just a break to your bedroom, alone for 5 minutes. Maybe it is a trip for 5 days alone or with your spouse. Whatever it may be. Take it. Make it a priority. You are doing no one any favors by trying to do everything and stressing yourself out to the breaking point. Do yourself a favor and refresh. Come back re-energized from that break and start over.

3. Remember that you don’t know what someone is going through. Try to be kind to everyone you meet. Technically those are two things, but I believe they go hand in hand. We really do not know what someone is going through. Keeping that thought in the back of your head will help you focus on being kind to everyone. Whether it is the person you are holding the door open for, the slow driver in front of you, or a family member. I want to tell you a story. In 2011, my husband and I lost our son David. Two days after he passed away, I went to the local CVS to have the photos of his last day developed. I called first to see if they were ready. It had taken hours longer than what was expected. I was growing weary and impatient. I had just had an emergency c-section a little over a week before. I was more than sore, I was in quite a bit of pain. I hadn’t been sleeping because I kept having reaccuring dreams about David’s death. I was more than tired I was exhausted. My milk had come in. I had been pumping non-stop for six days. Then, David died, my body didn’t seem to understand that he was gone. My milk kept coming. I had to pump and dump. That in itself felt like some cruel joke my body was playing on me. I had all of these things on my mind, plus my grief over losing my son. The lady who was on the phone with me was extremely hateful. I remember hearing her impatience with me in the tone of her voice. When I went to pick up the pictures, I was met with the same hateful woman. Rude. She had an air about her, that made it seem as though she thought she was better than everyone else. The hatefulness remained at the store. I held my tongue, although I didn’t want to. A part of me wanted to lay into her. A part of me wanted to scream “I just watched my son die in my arms lady, I don’t have time for your self entitled rudeness” But then I stopped myself. You see, this lady did not know that I had just lost my son. To her, I was just some Jane Doe that came in off of the street. Should that have mattered? No, I believe you should be kind to everyone for this very reason. However, I did not know what was going on in her life either. Maybe she had just lost her son too. Or maybe she was going through a divorce. Or maybe she was struggling financially. Or maybe she was just having a really bad day. I don’t know and I will never know. That day however, reaffirmed in my mind, the importance of being kind to everyone you meet.

Kindness is contagious. It’s just like smiling. When you do it, other people will too. When you are kind then the peace will wash over you like a flood. When you walk into a peaceful atmosphere, something inside of you changes. Your burdens melt away and you start to feel safe from a cruel world. Finding peace in the chaos is just to important not to try.

Until next time,

Jenna Jury